Guest Post: 7 Myths of Single Life

By Cary Schmidt

Seven Myths of Single-Life

Myths abound in today’s culture—through urban legends, chain emails, speed-diets, and beyond! Thanks to snopes.com, it’s pretty easy to run an email, a story, or a bizarre event through a quick research test to find out if it’s true or not.

So—do you have a “snopes” for life? Has it occurred to you that life also has its myths and “urban legends.” The issue is, these myths have much greater consequences. And much like “snopes” we need to take the philosophies, assumptions, and teachings of our pop-culture and run them through the truth test—the Bible.

Here are seven popular myths of single-life—seven lies that many singles buy into. Let’s run them through the truth test and unmask them as frauds:

1. Happiness and love is found in a person and I must find that person. Many people fall for this lie. Their lives become an endless search for the right person to completely bring happiness to life. The problem is—no human being can fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts. That is reserved for God alone, through Jesus Christ. Psalm 16:11 teaches, “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy;”

2. Freedom is about making decisions alone and doing my own thing—”I gotta be me…” This is a gross distortion of a biblical truth. Yes, God created you as an individual with many unique qualities—so in that sense, you do have to be you. But, God never intended for you to live independent of Him or outside of His purpose or structure for life. The greatest life is found when you are who God truly made you to be. In John 10:10 Jesus said, ” I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”

3. There is a short-cut to success and fulfillment in life and I will find it. Many believe that there are quick ways to happiness and fulfillment in life, and so they fall for them—parties, illicit sex, drinking, drugs, etc. We all tend to want the path of least resistance and the quickest path to success. In truth, the best life is built one decision at a time on the strong foundation of biblical values and principle.

God taught in Joshua 1:8, that true success is a product of biblical principles in practice. Joshua 1:8″ This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.”

4. Responsibility and purpose in life can be indefinitely postponed. In the short term, a life free of responsibility and commitment seems like the way to go—but in the long term, it’s disastrous. We were designed by our Creator to have purpose, to embrace commitments, and to shoulder responsibilities that honor Him. God teaches that life comes with built in accountability and responsibility. Those who embrace this, always win. Romans 14:12, “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.”

5. Love is a mystical, magical, fleeting thing that has something to do with sex. God is love and God created sex, so who could possibly instruct us in this matter better than Him. Quite simply, true love is a choice, not an emotion. You do it, you don’t feel it. Warm and fuzzy emotions, as enjoyable as they are, are not and never will be love. And sex is only an expression of love when it’s done God’s way—within a committed marriage for life. Outside of that boundary, sex is harmful in every way to both parties. It does irreparable spiritual harm.

Here’s how God says it: 1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

6. As long as I’m not hurting anyone else, what I do doesn’t matter. This sounds great and becomes a great excuse for someone who purely lives for self. The problem is, it’s simply not true. No man is an island. We all influence somebody. We all have people in the future we will influence. And every decision you make today is countless repercussions for people around you and people in your future that you haven’t even met yet—like your kids! Think of it this way—have you become the bearer of some of your parents bad decisions? Probably so. And at the time, they too were thinking their decisions wouldn’t hurt anyone. But you know differently.

God commands us to live as examples to others, positively influencing them for right. 1 Timothy 4:12, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”

7. Pleasure, possessions, and personal pursuits can ultimately fill the longing of my heart. God created pleasure. God gives us possessions. And God calls us to purposeful pursuits. But He is the source and the giver. When we forsake following God and pursue these other things, life begins to fall apart. Apart from God, More stuff merely means more problems! We’re called to worship God and use things. But so often we get it backwards. We worship things and use God.

1 Timothy 6:17, “Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;”

Are you falling for some of these myths? Begin today to align your life with God’s principles—beginning with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You can read more about having that relationship in another article in this magazine.

Build your life and future upon truth, not upon the myth and urban legends of popular philosophy. Opinions of men will fail, but God’s Word is always true!

Myths abound in today’s culture—through urban legends, chain emails, speed-diets, and beyond! Thanks to snopes.com, it’s pretty easy to run an email, a story, or a bizarre event through a quick research test to find out if it’s true or not.

So—do you have a “snopes” for life? Has it occurred to you that life also has its myths and “urban legends.” The issue is, these myths have much greater consequences. And much like “snopes” we need to take the philosophies, assumptions, and teachings of our pop-culture and run them through the truth test—the Bible.

Here are seven popular myths of single-life—seven lies that many singles buy into. Let’s run them through the truth test and unmask them as frauds:

1. Happiness and love is found in a person, and I must find that person. Many people fall for this lie. Their lives become an endless search for the right person who will completely bring happiness to life. The problem is—no human being can fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts. That is reserved for God alone, through Jesus Christ. Psalm 16:11 teaches,“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy;”

2. Freedom is about making decisions alone and doing my own thing—”I gotta be me…” This is a gross distortion of a biblical truth. Yes, God created you as an individual with many unique qualities—so in that sense, you do have to be you. But, God never intended for you to live independent of Him or outside of His purpose or structure for life. The greatest life is found when you are who God truly made you to be. In John 10:10 Jesus said, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”

3. There is a shortcut to success and fulfillment in life, and I will find it. Many believe there are quick ways to happiness and fulfillment in life, and so they fall for them—parties, illicit sex, drinking, drugs, etc. We all tend to want the path of least resistance and the quickest path to success. In truth, the best life is built patiently, one decision at a time, on the strong foundation of biblical values and principles. This takes years—not weeks or months.

God taught in Joshua 1:8 that true success is a product of biblical principles in practice: “This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.”

4. Responsibility and purpose in life can be indefinitely postponed. In the short term, a life free of responsibility and commitment seems like the way to go—but in the long term, it’sdisastrous. We were designed by our Creator to have purpose, to embrace commitments, and to shoulder responsibilities that honor Him. God teaches that life comes with built-in accountability and responsibility. Those who embrace this, always win. Romans 14:12, “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.”

5. Love is a mystical, magical, fleeting thing that has something to do with sex. God is love, and God created sex, so who could possibly instruct us in this matter better than Him. Quite simply, true love is a choice, not an emotion. You do it, you don’t feel it. Warm and fuzzy emotions, as enjoyable as they are, are not and never will be love. And sex is only an expression of love when it’s done God’s way—within a committed marriage for life. Outside of that boundary, sex is harmful in every way to both parties. It does irreparable spiritual harm.

Here’s how God says it: 1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

6. As long as I’m not hurting anyone else, what I do doesn’t matter. This sounds great and becomes an easy excuse for someone who purely lives for self. The problem is, it’s simply not true. No man is an island. We all influence somebody. We all have people in our future whom we will one day influence. And every decision you make today has countless repercussions in people’s lives for years to come—like your kids! Think of it this way—have you become the bearer of the bad decisions of others? Probably so. And at the time, they too were thinking their decisions wouldn’t hurt anyone. But you know differently.

God commands us to live as examples to others, positively influencing them for right. 1 Timothy 4:12, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”

7. Pleasure, possessions, and personal pursuits can ultimately fill the longing of my heart. God created pleasure. God gives us possessions. And God calls us to purposeful pursuits. But He is the source and the giver. When we forsake following God and pursue these other things, life begins to fall apart. Apart from God, more stuff merely means more problems! We’re called to worship God and use things. But so often we get it backwards. We worship things and use God.

1 Timothy 6:17, “Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;”

Are you falling for some of these myths? Begin today aligning your life with God’s principles—beginning with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You can read more about starting that relationship by clicking here.

Build your life and future upon truth, not upon the myth and urban legends of popular philosophy. Opinions of men will fail, but God’s Word is always true!

Guest Post-The Big Picture

I've been both busy and lacking inspiration the past while, so I decided to ask someone to do a guest post. The following is written by Danica-Lee Szabatin, an MK to Alberta as well as a student at Hyles Anderson College in Hammond, Indiana.

THE BIG PICTURE

by Danica-Lee Szabatin

I am sure everyone has heard the saying, “Love blinds you.” Well, today I want to change that… I wouldn’t say love blinds you because love is not an ooey gooey feeling someone has for another person. Love is an action, and it was portrayed in the greatest way known to man when Christ died for us. I am so glad that my God did not sit up in Heaven and say, “Wow, I love those people on earth. I know they are bound for hell because of their sins, but I just get a warm, fuzzy feeling when I think about them, and they make me feel so happy, and I just love them.” Did God do that? I don’t think so. He took action, and loved us more than we can ever know by showing the highest form of love- -- sacrifice. Romans 5:8 says: “But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” That’s love. So I am going to change the saying to “Lust blinds you.”

Lust is “pleasure, delight, inclination, or wish.” These are the feelings you get when you get in a relationship with someone. Honestly, you are not going to love that special person until you prove it. After you are married, and you start to realize, “Hey, this person isn’t perfect. Sometimes, we disagree on things. I do things that annoy them, and they do things that annoy me.” When you are still married, after 50 years, and have gone through many trials together and have never given up on each other, then tell me that you love that person. Christ died for us knowing how we were, “…while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

When you are in a relationship with someone, you get very close to that person. I saw an awesome illustration one time, and I think it shows exactly what I mean when I say, “Lust blinds us.”

A teacher called a teenager up to the platform and told her to close her eyes. While the teenager had her eyes closed the teacher put a very large painting right up close to her face, in front of her eyes.

“Ok, I want you to open your eyes and tell me what you see.” The teacher said.

“I see blue.”

“Okay close your eyes again.” The teacher this time moved back a few steps and told the teenager to open her eyes again and tell what she saw now.

The teenager described a beautiful landscape painting with blue skies, lush forest, gorgeous, colourful flowers, and a shining pond. All-in-all a beautiful picture.

When the teenager had been standing right up close to the picture all she could see was the colour blue. She had to take a step back and get a little distance to see the whole picture.

Right now, you might be in a very serious relationship, and you might be very close to someone. But could it be that you are too close, lust is blinding you, and you are not seeing the whole picture?

God has a beautiful picture planned out for your life, and He is just waiting for you to take a step back and trust Him with it. We trust Him with eternity, with our very souls, so why is it we can’t trust Him with our life and the things of it? Do you really think God is going to give you second best? No, He wants the very best for you. So why don’t you trust Him to give it to you? Why are you busy searching for someone, getting involved with the wrong people, when God has promised He will take care of you, and give you what He knows is best? Just take a step back, wait, trust God, and He will bring the right one to you.

Your friend, Danica-Lee

Guest Post 5 - "The Right Person At The Right Time"

The Right Person at the Right Time

by Glen Cuthbert (age 17)

Glen's Email: gcuthbert35@cogeco.ca

"How will I know who the person that God wants me to marry is?" Chances are you've probably asked this question before. I know I sure have. The answer that I got was: "When God says it's the right time to know."

I didn't really understand that, until one day I was thinking about an interesting statement by Cary Schmidt in the book "Just Friends". The statement was: "The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person." And then it hit me. You will know who the right person for you to marry is when they are the right person. The problem with many of us teens today is that we believe that the right person is out there for us somewhere, and we waste our time looking for them. The only problem is, the right person is not out there, because they're not the right person yet. Why not? Because it's not the right time yet. So when do they become the right person? Why, at the right time, of course. God has a plan for each one of us, and for most people, that plan includes getting married. He will bring the right person along, in HIS timing. Only then will they be the right person.

So do yourself a favor. Don't waste your time looking for the right person. You won't find them. Instead, focus on being the right person. In God's time, once someone becomes the right person, God will bring the two of you together.

"If you keep following God, there's no way in the universe that He would let you marry the wrong person." -Bro. Cary Schmidt (Associate Pastor, Lancaster Baptist Church)

Guest Post 4 - Kelly & Katy: A Courtship In Progress

Ok, so I think this is going to be my last guest post for now. I hope to have a few more within the next few weeks, but we will see. : ) This one was written by my dear friend Katy and I am sooooo excited for y'all to read it!! Please be sure to go over and check out Katy's blog when you're done reading, I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do. : ) You can also go over and check out Kelly's blog, I'm sure he'd love to have some visitors as well. : )

Kelly & Katy:

A Courtship In Progress

"It all started on April 18, 2008 with a simple "random" comment on my blog. Kelly had been surfing blogs and had listed as one of his favorite movies "Last Flight Out" and I guess when you click on the link it will take you to other blogs that have that listed as and out of the 88 blogs of however many thousands there are on blogspot he clicked on my blog and commented on a post I had done about John Piper and honoring parents. The God thing was that I had not put "Last Flight Out" as my favorite movie Abby had (she had a blog on the same profile accidentally and changed it) and I had just a few days before considered changing my profile but then decided against it. So that was kind of a God thing :) So we started commenting back and forth which turned into long IM conversations, which lasted hours.


In October 2008 Kelly told me that we needed to not talk for awhile and broke off almost all contact for about 10 months due to some things that he needed to prove to his parents. When we started talking again in May 2009 I was not really ready to trust him at all. I had been hurt once before and I just wasn't ready to take that chance again. I was relived to know that his parents knew about me and we started talking on the phone. I did not have any feelings for him at this time (or at least I told myself that...truth to be told I kind of buried them away and tried to forget them). While he always had been spiritually mature in some ways he had not become a man yet and I was definitely not the woman I needed to be either.

So we talked on the phone a few times in the spring and then I headed off to camp and he headed of to 3 1/2 months in Papua New Guinea leading a team of all older guys in building a ministry center for To Every Tribe Ministries (the mission board we as a family were planning on going to the mission field with).
As I said before, I had had feelings for him before but I did not really have any feelings for him beside friendship for him during this time. Although I did pray that the Lord would take him from boyhood into manhood during his time in PNG I didn't really give him much thought the entire summer. I guess he did a lot of thinking about me though :) When he came back he called me and within the first two minutes of our conversation I realized that I was not talking to the boy that I had been before but instead to a GOD CENTERED man that had just...emerged. It was really amazing!

We started talking again and I started to really struggle with feelings that I had thought were non-existent except now things were definitely God centered it was really hard. So I started just surrendering him to the Lord and my desires to the Lord. Then, all the sudden Jen had been talking to him about his part in the American Gospel Tour and she said that there was no way she was going to invite him on it unless we had met him in person. The next thing I know he and his brother were coming out to visit us on November 10th to meet and discuss the Gospel Tour. Now truly he was coming out to discuss the gospel tour.

So three weeks before I was going to meet him in person I was a wreck. Then I realized that I HAD BEEN surrendering my singleness to the Lord BUT with lots of strings attached. So I came before the Lord one day and told Him that I was not only surrendering my singleness for the present but for the rest of my life EVEN IF it meant that I was going to be single for the rest of my life. In fact, I chose to expect it. Once I made that decision my whole attitude changed and I began jealously guard my heart. Once I started that every time I would start to think if only or stuff like that I would instantly give it to the Lord and try to get re-focused on Him.

So the 1st two days that Kelly and his brother Mike were at our house were horrible for me! Not because of them at all in fact Kelly was everything I had ever dreamed that he would be and more but I just was really quiet and not crazy outgoing and I just felt like I had disappointed him. Plus Danny and Abby are crazy outgoing so I just really felt bad (and a little bit jealous lol). The ironic part is that God completely confirmed to him that he should go ahead and ask my parents if he could pursue a courtship relationship (dating with a purpose of...marriage) during the first two days! I actually asked him about it and was like "How on earth did you know I didn't even talk?" and he told me that I didn't have to talk because he just observed and knew that the Lord wanted him to move forward.
In the meanwhile, I have absolutely NO CLUE and as the week progressed I was working overtime to keep my feelings for him (because yeah...I had a lot!) surrendered to the Lord.

One thing that the Lord had been laying on my heart the last six months before Kelly even was at all back in the picture was that I was supposed to go and serve the Lord in the foreign mission field. I had accepted that that probably meant I was supposed to be single so I was just moving towards that goal already. The whole week Kelly had been asking me questions about missions and how I felt about surrendering all to the Lord and being willing to serve Him in a hostile and/or persecuted area. I had absolutely no qualms about that and told him what the Lord had laid on my heart concerning missions. Little did I know that he was checking off qualities (because he is going to be a missionary to PNG).

So the last day rolls around and it was just not a good day for me. I felt like there was so much left unsaid. 10 minutes before I had to leave for work I really felt like I needed to let him know that my #1 fear about going to the mission field was that people would think that I was going just because he was going WHICH WAS NOT THE CASE AT ALL but I was afraid that people would think it would be. So I blurted it out to him like 10 minutes before I left and all he said was "It took you all week to tell me that?" To which I replied "Well, I kinda just got the courage up." And then that was it! OMW, I was a WRECK at work that day. I was almost in tears the whole time so finally at one point I just went into the kitchen, physically raised my hands to the Lord and surrendered the whole situation to Him.
So then on Wednesday night Kelly called and we talked for about 2 hours and I walked away from that conversation accepting the fact that while I had feelings for him I needed to just wait and we both needed to guard our hearts and be really really careful to honor the Lord in everything.

SO on Thursday, November 19, 2009 at 1:04pm (I know how sad is that lol) Kelly called me. I was on the way home from babysitting and Abby was driving. So I was just rambling on COMPLETELY oblivious when all the sudden he goes "So I have been thinking a lot about our conversation last night." I started worrying. I was sure I had said something that I shouldn't have so I am thinking up this amazing apology in my mind when all the sudden he goes into telling me that he knew he was really buddy buddy with Abby and Jen but that it was just because he was trying to be careful so he is saying all this stuff and I am SO OBLIVIOUS STILL so all the sudden the phone cuts out and then it comes back in and by this time we are home and Abby and Danny had gotten out of the car. So all the sudden he says "I have a question to ask you." And I said (COMPLETELY oblivious) "Yeah?" And he goes, "I have already talked to your parents and they have given me their blessing to ask you if you would be willing to enter into a courtship relationship with me?" All the sudden I was having a hard time breathing. The first words to come out of my mouth were NOT "Yes I would love to enter into a courtship relationship with you." NOPE, not me! Instead they were "Are you serious?" I was so shocked I seriously thought I was dreaming! When he assured me that he was indeed incredibly serious I got really quiet (again still working on the whole breathing thing). He very nicely said, "Well you don't have to give me an answer now." And I am thinking: I would really like to give you an answer now but I just can't seem to get all the things I want to say from my brain to my mouth! I think I said something about how I had been praying for months about this THEN I asked "Can I give you your answer now?" To which he replied "Yes" (and he sounded a bit relived I wonder why? lol). So when I could breathe again I said "Yes, I would love to enter into a courtship relationship with you." I think that next thing I said was "So, does this mean you are my boyfriend now?" :) And I am so glad he is!

So that is my story...the shortened version. God is just so good and it has been absolutely amazing how much I have grown in the Lord in the short time we have been in a relationship! I have realized that more now then ever I have to jealously guard my relationship with Jesus. Keeping Christ first and my relationship with Kelly second. It has definitely been a transition but I am so excited to see what the Lord has for us next! The neat thing too is having the blessing of all four parents :) He definitely went about it in the right way!

So right now we are moving forward trusting the Lord and taking things day by day. Our hearts desire is to bring honor and glory to the Lord through our relationship because when it comes down to it, our lives should be about Him and not about us."

Guest Post 3 - Amber & Marshall's Story

Guest post 3 is here!! Yay!! This is the story of how my friend Amber and her husband Marshall met and married. I have known Amber for probably close to a year now, and have so enjoyed getting to know her! I can't believe how many kindred spirits God has let me "meet" on blogger. Please take the time to go look at Amber's blog: "Joyful Homemaker" And she also has facebook, so you can friend her there as well. : ) Enjoy reading...

Once upon a time… in the fellowship hall of church one afternoon of preparing for the missions meeting… Some of the ladies and I were sitting at a table chatting about this and that when Ms. Ellen happened to mention that I should think about marrying her nephew- Marshall. He had just moved to Gainesville a few months prior and had come to church once or twice since. I told her that was ridiculous because he was not even saved and had not been to church for awhile. I didn’t even know anything about him other than his name was Marshall, and he probably was not saved
The subject was dropped, and I did not think anything else about it until “Lo and behold!” the next morning he came walking into church! I thought- “It does not mean anything! Just a coincidence”. Well, Pastor preached one of the toughest messages on Christian dress standards that he has ever preached. He just knew that Marshall (and all the rest of us) would never be back. However, at the end of service Marshall stood up and said that he wanted to join the church! We all were shocked! (To put it mildly) Pastor talked to him and told him to keep coming to see if this was really what he wanted. (And to see if he could\would stick it out) Well, Marshall came here and there- mostly Sunday mornings. We prayed for him, but I was not too concerned with whether or not I was supposed to marry him. I knew that salvation must come first. Also, I was only 16 years old. Definitely too young.
Anyway, after several weeks of coming here and there, Marshall came on a Wednesday night (June 25th to be exact). After service he told Ms. Rita that he had gotten saved. She went and got Pastor and eventually the news made it to the rest of us. So then I started kinda thinking that maybe this fella -“Marshall” was my Prince Charming. I kept it to myself, but prayed about it. I did not want to get emotionally attached when really there was no reason for me to. Marshall had not even noticed me.
Marshall kept coming to church- totally oblivious to girls, and most especially me. Throughout the next few months I found out that he was Marshall Reeves, 25 years old, and his birthday was in January. A few people had caught on that maybe I was supposed to marry Marshall. I also found out that Marshall was a Jr., which was very important to me (long story). Then I happened to hear that he had been in the Marines- also very important to me!
He was baptized in November of 2003. Since he lived on the lake, he was baptized in the lake and we had a service and food at his house. This was just great news for the conspiring females that wanted us married. Well, his house was just too cute, and while we were there I could tell that my mother and Ms. Ellen were imagining what I would look like “setting up housekeeping in here”.
About 10 months passed and God started dealing with Marshall about getting married. Marshall did not really have anyone in particular in mind, but he decided to talk to Pastor. Pastor gave Marshall some guidelines to go by in choosing a mate, and God made things very clear.
On October 7th 2004 Marshall called and asked if he could come over to spend the evening. He came and we had pizza with my family, then they all went and watched a movie and Marshall and I sat at the table and talked for a little while. We went out here and there for the next few weeks.
On October 26th Marshall sent a dozen roses to me. Of course, I was on cloud nine the whole day! We went to visit my grandparents and Marshall met us there. Before he left he asked me to walk outside with him. He then proposed very sweetly, on bended knee! I don’t remember all that he said- I was just so glad to hear him say “I love you”!!!! Of course, I said “Yes”, and he put the ring on my finger. (We had both picked it out some days back.)
We set the date for April 16th, then realized that there was no way, and no reason for us to wait that long, so we moved the date up to February 5th. We were married on Saturday February 5th, at 2:00 in the afternoon. I walked down the aisle to a string quartet playing Canon in D, and he cried. (He’s so sweet!) Pastor preached, but I don’t remember much of that. (Do you blame me?!?!) We started our honeymoon in Gatlinburg, then came home and have been continuing our honeymoon ever since.


I thank God for putting us together. He knew exactly what we needed, and how to get us together. To God be the glory! Great things He has done!

**Next Guest Post Coming Soon!!**