Guest Post-The Big Picture

I've been both busy and lacking inspiration the past while, so I decided to ask someone to do a guest post. The following is written by Danica-Lee Szabatin, an MK to Alberta as well as a student at Hyles Anderson College in Hammond, Indiana.

THE BIG PICTURE

by Danica-Lee Szabatin

I am sure everyone has heard the saying, “Love blinds you.” Well, today I want to change that… I wouldn’t say love blinds you because love is not an ooey gooey feeling someone has for another person. Love is an action, and it was portrayed in the greatest way known to man when Christ died for us. I am so glad that my God did not sit up in Heaven and say, “Wow, I love those people on earth. I know they are bound for hell because of their sins, but I just get a warm, fuzzy feeling when I think about them, and they make me feel so happy, and I just love them.” Did God do that? I don’t think so. He took action, and loved us more than we can ever know by showing the highest form of love- -- sacrifice. Romans 5:8 says: “But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” That’s love. So I am going to change the saying to “Lust blinds you.”

Lust is “pleasure, delight, inclination, or wish.” These are the feelings you get when you get in a relationship with someone. Honestly, you are not going to love that special person until you prove it. After you are married, and you start to realize, “Hey, this person isn’t perfect. Sometimes, we disagree on things. I do things that annoy them, and they do things that annoy me.” When you are still married, after 50 years, and have gone through many trials together and have never given up on each other, then tell me that you love that person. Christ died for us knowing how we were, “…while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

When you are in a relationship with someone, you get very close to that person. I saw an awesome illustration one time, and I think it shows exactly what I mean when I say, “Lust blinds us.”

A teacher called a teenager up to the platform and told her to close her eyes. While the teenager had her eyes closed the teacher put a very large painting right up close to her face, in front of her eyes.

“Ok, I want you to open your eyes and tell me what you see.” The teacher said.

“I see blue.”

“Okay close your eyes again.” The teacher this time moved back a few steps and told the teenager to open her eyes again and tell what she saw now.

The teenager described a beautiful landscape painting with blue skies, lush forest, gorgeous, colourful flowers, and a shining pond. All-in-all a beautiful picture.

When the teenager had been standing right up close to the picture all she could see was the colour blue. She had to take a step back and get a little distance to see the whole picture.

Right now, you might be in a very serious relationship, and you might be very close to someone. But could it be that you are too close, lust is blinding you, and you are not seeing the whole picture?

God has a beautiful picture planned out for your life, and He is just waiting for you to take a step back and trust Him with it. We trust Him with eternity, with our very souls, so why is it we can’t trust Him with our life and the things of it? Do you really think God is going to give you second best? No, He wants the very best for you. So why don’t you trust Him to give it to you? Why are you busy searching for someone, getting involved with the wrong people, when God has promised He will take care of you, and give you what He knows is best? Just take a step back, wait, trust God, and He will bring the right one to you.

Your friend, Danica-Lee

Glen - Are You Really Waiting?

Are You Really Waiting?

By Glen Cuthbert

I’ve been struggling with trying to find something to write about, so I decided to look at my own life and write about something that I have been having a problem with. Right now, the problem I’m having is not having crushes because I’m waiting on God. I know I’m not alone with this problem. So, I’m writing this month’s post on just that. Just so you know, this post is written as much to me as it is to you. I think it will help all of us.

Trusting God one-hundred percent is always going to be a struggle. Yes, we can all say that we are trusting God for our future mate, but if we just say it, are we really trusting Him? God has that perfect person all picked out, and He doesn’t need our help. No matter how amazing that certain someone that you are interested in may be, the question still remains: Do you completely trust God?

Having a crush while waiting on God is like having a backup plan. Most people have backup plans when they are scared that something will go wrong with their original plan. God doesn’t make mistakes. His way is perfect. Because of this, we don’t need a “plan B” in case something goes wrong. You’re probably wondering, “This person is SO AWESOME, how could they not be ‘the one’?” My question to you is: How can they be?

Going back to the first post that I ever wrote for this blog, I wrote about how “the right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person.” Seriously, we’re all still young. The time is not yet right, so the person is also not right. No matter how “right” they may seem.

Also, crushes come at a price. I’ve written in the past about giving your heart away. There is still pain, there is still heartbreak. I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I’ve been hurt just from “innocent crushes.” There is no thing as an “innocent crush.” People still get hurt.

God made us with a natural sense of attraction. That’s just part of being human. But the real question is: “Will you trust God and control those attractions?” View guys or girls that you are attracted to as prospective good friends, and work on those friendships. Someday, if you go about it right, you should marry one of your closest friends. So, start now, and you may increase your chances with that person more than you would have with a crush. Or, you might just find out things about them that you wouldn’t have seen if you were still interested in them. Just make sure that your motives for friendship are right. Trust God, build your friendships, and He will take care of the rest.

Do you completely trust God, or do you have a backup plan?

Psalm 27:14- “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.”

Glen - Who Has Your Heart?

Here is another post by Glen. He will be writing a post for us once a month...I'm sure you will all enjoy them. I really enjoy this one! : ) Please feel free to contact Glen through his email: gcuthbert35@cogeco.ca

Who Has Your Heart?

by Glen Cuthbert

It was finally here-Anna's wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family.

Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of a string quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned toward the altar.

But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David's other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.

Anna felt her lip begin to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. "Is this some kind of joke?" she whispered to David.

"I'm ... I'm sorry, Anna," he said, staring at the floor.

"Who are these girls, David? What is going on?" she gasped.

"They're girls from my past," he answered sadly. "Anna, they don't mean anything to me now ... but I've given part of my heart to each of them."

"I thought your heart was mine," she said.

"It is, it is," he pleaded. "Everything that's left is yours."

A tear rolled down Anna's cheek. Then she woke up.

I was floored when I read this story in "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". It left me wondering, "How many times have I given my heart away?"

Have you ever asked yourself the same question? Every one of us has had people in our past. Have you given your heart to them? Once you give your heart to someone, you never get all of it back. If we keep giving our hearts away to every guy/girl that catches our interest, then how can we expect to have anything left for the person that God wants us to marry?

So what can we do about it? Well, I've found Someone Who I can give my heart to that promises to give it all back when His timing is right. Let me ask you this: Does He have your heart?

"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23

Can't Think Of A Good Title...

I've done a lot of thinking lately about this whole single and waiting on God thing. I've had some conversations about dating that have really had me asking myself why. Why don't I date? Why do I want to save my first kiss for my wedding day? Why am I staying single when there are plenty of guys that I could date? Why do I sit and watch my friends date guy after guy while I've never dated anyone? Why do I keep myself emotionally and psychically pure for one guy?

It makes me wonder...what is your reason for waiting? Is it just because your parents don't want you to date? Are you just trying to save yourself from the hurt that comes with dating and heartbreak? Or is it because you want to honor your future spouse and glorify God? It is good to obey your parents, and its even a wise choice to save yourself from the pain of dating and heartbreak...but the number one reason should be because its what God wants and it honors your future spouse.

This staying single and waiting for one person isn't considered normal or good in the world. In fact, if you've never dated or now choose not to, then people think there is something wrong with you. The "normal" 19 year old girl is either obsessing over the guy shes currently 'in like' with or crying over the last guy that broke her heart. I mean, you are just plain weird if you make it to almost 20 years old and have never even been on a date or kissed a guy. lol

I think that is hard for me sometimes. Loneliness is a hard part of waiting, but hearing what people say about you is also really hard. It's only by the grace of God that Christian young people are about to remain pure and wait for the one God made for them. And you should all be proud of yourselves and of God working through you. Your future spouses will be so proud of you for waiting for them.

I'm so very thankful that God has given me the strength to remain pure and wait for Him to bring my husband to me. And thank about it...what a gift that will be for our future spouses!!

Okay, so I'm not sure what the point of this post is. I just had all these little thoughts in my head and figured I should get them out of there. LOL! Hope it wasn't to confusing for ya! :)

"When Dreams Come True"

Title:

"When Dreams Come True"

By:

Eric & Leslie Ludy

About This Book:

(taken from the back cover)

"This daringly real, intensely moving love story gives vision and hope to everyone in search of a love worth waiting for. In their bestseller When God Writes Your Love Story, Eric and Leslie Ludy described the breathtaking perfection of God's plans for each young person and offered fresh guidelines for being Christlike in relationships with the opposite sex. When Dreams Come True shares the Ludys' personal story, illustrating how they lived out the principles of the first book in their own romance and marriage."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You know, I have read many stories of people who have had godly relationships...but I'd have to say that the Ludy's story might just beat all. This book starts out when they are both children and goes all the way until they are married. This book was a great blessing to me. You know how you often wonder if anyone else out there feels the way you do about relationships and the whole waiting on God thing? Well, I'll tell you this...you know while reading this book that Eric and Leslie completely understand how you feel and where you're coming from. They were already there...and God led them thru it. You can see the hand of God on their relationship from the start...it is an amazing love story that only God could have written! This was one of the few books that I have read in the last week...and God has taught me a lot thru them. I would strongly encourage y'all to get ahold of some of the Ludy's books and read them...and while reading them, ask God to open your heart and show you what you need.

Links:

Eric & Leslie Ludy's Website

Their Online Store

Their Books On Amazon.com

Guest Post 4 - Kelly & Katy: A Courtship In Progress

Ok, so I think this is going to be my last guest post for now. I hope to have a few more within the next few weeks, but we will see. : ) This one was written by my dear friend Katy and I am sooooo excited for y'all to read it!! Please be sure to go over and check out Katy's blog when you're done reading, I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do. : ) You can also go over and check out Kelly's blog, I'm sure he'd love to have some visitors as well. : )

Kelly & Katy:

A Courtship In Progress

"It all started on April 18, 2008 with a simple "random" comment on my blog. Kelly had been surfing blogs and had listed as one of his favorite movies "Last Flight Out" and I guess when you click on the link it will take you to other blogs that have that listed as and out of the 88 blogs of however many thousands there are on blogspot he clicked on my blog and commented on a post I had done about John Piper and honoring parents. The God thing was that I had not put "Last Flight Out" as my favorite movie Abby had (she had a blog on the same profile accidentally and changed it) and I had just a few days before considered changing my profile but then decided against it. So that was kind of a God thing :) So we started commenting back and forth which turned into long IM conversations, which lasted hours.


In October 2008 Kelly told me that we needed to not talk for awhile and broke off almost all contact for about 10 months due to some things that he needed to prove to his parents. When we started talking again in May 2009 I was not really ready to trust him at all. I had been hurt once before and I just wasn't ready to take that chance again. I was relived to know that his parents knew about me and we started talking on the phone. I did not have any feelings for him at this time (or at least I told myself that...truth to be told I kind of buried them away and tried to forget them). While he always had been spiritually mature in some ways he had not become a man yet and I was definitely not the woman I needed to be either.

So we talked on the phone a few times in the spring and then I headed off to camp and he headed of to 3 1/2 months in Papua New Guinea leading a team of all older guys in building a ministry center for To Every Tribe Ministries (the mission board we as a family were planning on going to the mission field with).
As I said before, I had had feelings for him before but I did not really have any feelings for him beside friendship for him during this time. Although I did pray that the Lord would take him from boyhood into manhood during his time in PNG I didn't really give him much thought the entire summer. I guess he did a lot of thinking about me though :) When he came back he called me and within the first two minutes of our conversation I realized that I was not talking to the boy that I had been before but instead to a GOD CENTERED man that had just...emerged. It was really amazing!

We started talking again and I started to really struggle with feelings that I had thought were non-existent except now things were definitely God centered it was really hard. So I started just surrendering him to the Lord and my desires to the Lord. Then, all the sudden Jen had been talking to him about his part in the American Gospel Tour and she said that there was no way she was going to invite him on it unless we had met him in person. The next thing I know he and his brother were coming out to visit us on November 10th to meet and discuss the Gospel Tour. Now truly he was coming out to discuss the gospel tour.

So three weeks before I was going to meet him in person I was a wreck. Then I realized that I HAD BEEN surrendering my singleness to the Lord BUT with lots of strings attached. So I came before the Lord one day and told Him that I was not only surrendering my singleness for the present but for the rest of my life EVEN IF it meant that I was going to be single for the rest of my life. In fact, I chose to expect it. Once I made that decision my whole attitude changed and I began jealously guard my heart. Once I started that every time I would start to think if only or stuff like that I would instantly give it to the Lord and try to get re-focused on Him.

So the 1st two days that Kelly and his brother Mike were at our house were horrible for me! Not because of them at all in fact Kelly was everything I had ever dreamed that he would be and more but I just was really quiet and not crazy outgoing and I just felt like I had disappointed him. Plus Danny and Abby are crazy outgoing so I just really felt bad (and a little bit jealous lol). The ironic part is that God completely confirmed to him that he should go ahead and ask my parents if he could pursue a courtship relationship (dating with a purpose of...marriage) during the first two days! I actually asked him about it and was like "How on earth did you know I didn't even talk?" and he told me that I didn't have to talk because he just observed and knew that the Lord wanted him to move forward.
In the meanwhile, I have absolutely NO CLUE and as the week progressed I was working overtime to keep my feelings for him (because yeah...I had a lot!) surrendered to the Lord.

One thing that the Lord had been laying on my heart the last six months before Kelly even was at all back in the picture was that I was supposed to go and serve the Lord in the foreign mission field. I had accepted that that probably meant I was supposed to be single so I was just moving towards that goal already. The whole week Kelly had been asking me questions about missions and how I felt about surrendering all to the Lord and being willing to serve Him in a hostile and/or persecuted area. I had absolutely no qualms about that and told him what the Lord had laid on my heart concerning missions. Little did I know that he was checking off qualities (because he is going to be a missionary to PNG).

So the last day rolls around and it was just not a good day for me. I felt like there was so much left unsaid. 10 minutes before I had to leave for work I really felt like I needed to let him know that my #1 fear about going to the mission field was that people would think that I was going just because he was going WHICH WAS NOT THE CASE AT ALL but I was afraid that people would think it would be. So I blurted it out to him like 10 minutes before I left and all he said was "It took you all week to tell me that?" To which I replied "Well, I kinda just got the courage up." And then that was it! OMW, I was a WRECK at work that day. I was almost in tears the whole time so finally at one point I just went into the kitchen, physically raised my hands to the Lord and surrendered the whole situation to Him.
So then on Wednesday night Kelly called and we talked for about 2 hours and I walked away from that conversation accepting the fact that while I had feelings for him I needed to just wait and we both needed to guard our hearts and be really really careful to honor the Lord in everything.

SO on Thursday, November 19, 2009 at 1:04pm (I know how sad is that lol) Kelly called me. I was on the way home from babysitting and Abby was driving. So I was just rambling on COMPLETELY oblivious when all the sudden he goes "So I have been thinking a lot about our conversation last night." I started worrying. I was sure I had said something that I shouldn't have so I am thinking up this amazing apology in my mind when all the sudden he goes into telling me that he knew he was really buddy buddy with Abby and Jen but that it was just because he was trying to be careful so he is saying all this stuff and I am SO OBLIVIOUS STILL so all the sudden the phone cuts out and then it comes back in and by this time we are home and Abby and Danny had gotten out of the car. So all the sudden he says "I have a question to ask you." And I said (COMPLETELY oblivious) "Yeah?" And he goes, "I have already talked to your parents and they have given me their blessing to ask you if you would be willing to enter into a courtship relationship with me?" All the sudden I was having a hard time breathing. The first words to come out of my mouth were NOT "Yes I would love to enter into a courtship relationship with you." NOPE, not me! Instead they were "Are you serious?" I was so shocked I seriously thought I was dreaming! When he assured me that he was indeed incredibly serious I got really quiet (again still working on the whole breathing thing). He very nicely said, "Well you don't have to give me an answer now." And I am thinking: I would really like to give you an answer now but I just can't seem to get all the things I want to say from my brain to my mouth! I think I said something about how I had been praying for months about this THEN I asked "Can I give you your answer now?" To which he replied "Yes" (and he sounded a bit relived I wonder why? lol). So when I could breathe again I said "Yes, I would love to enter into a courtship relationship with you." I think that next thing I said was "So, does this mean you are my boyfriend now?" :) And I am so glad he is!

So that is my story...the shortened version. God is just so good and it has been absolutely amazing how much I have grown in the Lord in the short time we have been in a relationship! I have realized that more now then ever I have to jealously guard my relationship with Jesus. Keeping Christ first and my relationship with Kelly second. It has definitely been a transition but I am so excited to see what the Lord has for us next! The neat thing too is having the blessing of all four parents :) He definitely went about it in the right way!

So right now we are moving forward trusting the Lord and taking things day by day. Our hearts desire is to bring honor and glory to the Lord through our relationship because when it comes down to it, our lives should be about Him and not about us."

A Lot On My Heart...

Well, I guess I don't really have a topic for this post. But I do have a LOT on my heart and I just thought I'd go ahead and share it with y'all. Hopefully y'all can make sense of it. I normally would put a post like this on my other blog, but it fits more with what we've been talking about on here. Sharon did give me a great idea to do some posts on modesty and such. I plan to do that soon, but I'm waiting for a book before I start. I think modesty does indeed have a HUGE impact on guy/girl relationships...but we'll get into that another time. : )

You know, as much as I wholeheartedly believe that the right way to go about a relationship is to fully wait on God, I still have times when I get rather discouraged and find the waiting even harder then normal. I see the teenagers around me pairing off and here's Katie...still waiting. I'm sure most of it is just a lack of faith, but that doesn't make it any easier. I have heard a lot of stories about how people of struggled with this and as soon as they've given the whole thing to God, they started to see God work in that area. Part of me says I already gave all that up, but another part of me knows that if I have really given it all to God then I shouldn't be struggling so much. I know I've still got some things to work on, but I pray that God helps me do that very soon. : )

I got a book for my birthday from a very dear little friend called 'The Princess and the kiss'. It's a children's book, but it has a very powerful truth in it. It's a fairy tale about a princess and how she saves her first kiss for the right person and right time. It was very cute, but also really encouraging. God has used a lot of little things like that to encourage me lately. Also, I'm thinking about starting a journal of letters for my future husband. I love to write, and I think maybe it might help me to write my thought about this time of waiting down for my future spouse to one day read. I'm not sure yet. Have any of you ever written letters to your future spouse? I'd like to hear your thoughts on it if you have. : )

I hope you don't mind my rambling for a minute...I'll be sure to get back to some 'normal' posts soon. : )

Emotional Purity...

I know I already posted on Emotional purity on my other blog about a month or two ago, but I wanted to post about it again for a few reasons. 1) I don't think you will ever stop needing encouragement in this area. 2) I want it to be on this blog as well. 3) God placed it on my heart again this week, so I want to follow his leading and go over it again. So I'm going to start by posting a small part out of "Before you meet Prince Charming" by Sarah Mally, but I am going to change it so that it will fit for both guys and girls. :-)

Emotional Purity is hardly even considered possible in our present society. But think of it this way: How would your future spouse feel if they knew that some other guy/girl had known your deepest thoughts, dreams, fears, and emotions? What would they think if some other person had known you even better than he/she knows you? Or how would you like if some other guy/girl had dozens of long, deep, intimate conversations with your spouse and knew practically everything there was to know about him/her? Save all your "firsts" not just your first "kiss". Some people think casually and think they might be having fun now but how will that affect their marriages later? A list of some meaningful "firsts" that could happen and should be shared with that special someone:

• First expression of interest


• First words of affection or love


• First gift given or received
  


• First romantic look into his eyes


• First trip together


• First special song, place, event, or memory


• First ring


• First dinner date


• First personal letter expressing emotions


• First "I love you"


• First piece of your heart given


• First serious or ongoing correspondence with a young man or woman
  


• First special affectionate nicknames or actions


• First kiss
  
  

That is not a list of rules but a list to make you think. Many young people seem to want to get close to the line as possible and still remain pure. But looking at the big picture of our lives ought to motivate us to have the opposite perspective. The question is how much can I save for him/her, how many little special and meaningful "firsts" will I have to share with him/her? It is not that we are merely trying to avoid the worst, but rather that we desire to archive the best!

I believe that emotional purity is just as important as physical purity, but so much harder to do! The smallest thought that is not pure will continue to grow and in the end that thought will take you so much farther then you ever realized. We need to be so careful of guarding our minds! Have you ever thought about some of the movies and music that parents hand to their teenagers? And then they act so surprised when they find out that their 16 year old daughter is pregnant. Country music is a good example...not only is the music ungodly, but the words are either talking about picking up or breaking up. That is not going to keep your mind pure! Think about the music you listen to, the movies you watch, and the books you read...do they ALL honor and glorify God or are you having to struggle to keep your mind from thinking on the wrong things?

Okay, so I got off on a rabbit trail there, but I hope we as young adults can understand just how important this is. Not only can movies, music, and books ruin our emotional purity...but thinking about a certain guy/girl too much can do the same thing. I don't care if you're already engaged to the person, you still need to keep your thoughts about them pure until your married. And learning how to do that now will help you stay faithful to your spouse later. Just because you have a crush on a guy/girl doesn't mean its okay to have wrong thoughts about them. People often say its normal to have a crush and to leave it alone. Well, yes...it is normal, but that doesn't mean it should be left alone. I don't think it should be encouraged at all, but those young people need to learn to control their thoughts and emotions. Believe me, I know it's a lot easier said then done. Let me just say this again so I'm clear...It is very normal for someone to be attracted to someone and to have a crush. BUT...that is not a reason to let your thoughts run wild! Instead of thinking about him/her all of the time, pray about it. Now, don't go and pray "God, please let me marry him/her! Please!!" but why not try something like this "Lord, please be with him/her and guide and direct both of our lives. Help me to keep a pure heart and mind, and guard and keep my heart until you show me the right person." I realize that there is nothing wrong with praying for things we want, but I think when we pray for God's will, we end up realizing that his will is what we wanted all along.

Arranged Marriage?

You know, when I was younger I often thought courtship was just a way for parents to arrange a marriage for their children. I just really didn't know what courtship was, now that I have a greater understanding of it I realized that it is an arranged marriage. Only it's arranged by God Almighty, and that is just fine by me. I think God can pick a far better husband for me then my parents or I could. :-) But even knowing that, don't you kind of wonder just when, where, and how you'll meet and get to know your spouse? I do! Now, I know that at least all of the girls will know where I'm coming from (considering girls tend to "dream" a bit more then guys do. lol), but I honestly find myself wondering how this will happen. Lets try and figure this out a bit. :-)

We know from movies and such that out in the world, it pretty much always starts with physical attraction. But I think we know that isn't the right way. The world goes Body, Soul, and then maybe Spirit. So if your not just going to fall in love with a guy/girl by what his/her body is then how? Well, I believe God intends it to be Spirit, Soul, and then Body.

Now, I'm not saying that your shouldn't be physical attracted to your future spouse. You should and will be, but that is not the most important part. The joining together of two people in marriage needs to happen in the proper order: Spiritual first, physical last. That is why I say no touching until after marriage. Your heart and soul should be invested in the other person long before your body ever is.

Here is an example of how your courtship might go. Lets just say this is how I pray it will work out for me. :-)

1) Observe.
-When the Lord brings someone into your path that interests you, your first step is not to show interest or get all excited and go tell your friends. Just watch. In my post "A rather interesting thought" I gave a list of some questions, use that list when watch the guy/girl. You can learn a lot about someone character by just watching them.

2) Acquainted as Casual Friends.
-If God wants to bring two people together, He will give opportunities for them to get to know each other in natural settings. Such as church, school, work, common friendships, camps, or ministries. God doesn't need anyone else to play "matchmaker", he does a good job of that himself. :-) You'll learn more about a person by watching and being around them in real life then you ever would on a date. Anyone can be sweet and kind on a date but that doesn't mean thats who they really are.

3) Young Man takes initiative.
-Guys: I know I've said this before, but don't go the the girl first, go the her Daddy. Or even talk to your Daddy and let him go to her Daddy before you do. I know of a lot of couples who have done that and it has worked out really well. Either way, if you have prayed about it and know that God wants you to start a relationship with this young lady then it's your move. You have to take the initiative here.
-Girls: Yes, I know this is the part where you're either crying cause your so happy or jumping for joy! ;-) But before you let your emotions get too involved, this is the time when your parents should get to know the young man a little better. Ask him questions and such. But if the young man meets "Daddy's qualifications" then its a good time for the two families to get to know each other better.

4) Close Friendship
-Now, this is when you are really getting to know each other. You might email, text, phone calls, dinner's with family, or what ever else. But you will not make it thru this part if you don't have convictions of your own. This is the time when your flesh is going to try and run you, but in order to keep a pure mind and body you must have strong convictions that will keep your flesh from taking over. Don't let this just be a time when your just being together, let be a time of doing together. Serve together in ministries so that you know that you will be able to serve God side by side. Also, use this time to discuss important subjects such as: your purpose in life, your future ministry goals, your doctrine, your convictions, your views on family and child raising, and your spiritual walk. It is still best to avoid intimate talks until you are engaged.

5) Engagement.
-Many long talks have already occurred, but now are some of the most special times and a greater level of intimacy (not physical) as you enjoy the feeling of belonging to one another. You are about to be married to one another, so you will need a lot of time to talk. BUT, you still need to be careful not to put yourselves into tempting situations. I know some couples will hug, kiss, and hold hands when they are engaged, but I strongly recommend waiting. It would be so much more special if the first time you hold hands is when your in front of the church on that day and if your first kiss was at the wedding alter.

6) Marriage.
-For now, I'm only going to give one thought here: Our purpose for getting married should not be to get, but rather to give. We can be sure that if we follow God's plan for this relationship, it will bring us such fulfillment and joy.

Remember: God has a plan that goes beyond what we can imagine, so just trust Him.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21

*Some material is taken from "Before you meet Prince Charming" by Sarah Mally and "Just Friends" by Cary Schmidt and Mike Ray*

**Feel free to leave any thoughts you have. I would love to get a discussion going with y'all. :-)**

Why "No Touch"?

People often ask me "Well, why can't you even hold a guys hand?" Well, to tell you the truth, I can do whatever I want...but just because I can do something doesn't mean its right or that I even want to. When asked this, I always gave 1 Corin. 7:1. And I still stand by that. BUT...I never really knew how to explain it and not be too blunt. Well, I read a book a few months ago called "Just Friends" by Mike Ray and Cary Schmidt. The book is more for the younger teenager, meaning that it encourages you to not worry about a dating type of relationship yet and to just be friends. Where as, when you reach a level of maturity (and I'm not saying age, because I know some 12 year olds that are much more mature then some 20 year olds!) that you feel God does indeed want you to marry, well there are somethings to consider and pray about that a 13 year old really doesn't need to focus on yet. But even at that age, you should still focus on a friendship first. Your spouse should be your very best friend, so why not work on the friend part before your married? I would encourage any young teenager to read that book, and even the older ones too.

Now back to my topic, I loved the two chapters on "no touch" in the book!! Okay, so lets start with this...you may have already decided that your first kiss will be on your wedding day, if so great! But you don't think there is anything wrong with holding hands or hugging...let me just say, if you give an inch, it will go a mile! I'm not saying that physical affection is a bad thing, its a very good thing. BUT, its something God intended for marriage, and marriage only. And for that reason, I don't believe any touching should be done until the wedding day, not even during engagement. See, a physical relationship is a special and important thing, but that is not the marriage. Yes, its a important part, but being physical never held a marriage together. Being physical is an expression of what holds a marriage together. This is how they explain it in the book: "In marriage, commitment and character are like the steel girders of a skyscraper --what the walls and finishings hold to. The physical act of marriage is supposed to be supported by the steel structure of commitment and integrity." So if God is still building your foundation, you'll be ruining it by being physical before marriage. And by showing you have the self control and are faithful to your future spouse enough to wait, you are proving to your spouse that you will also be faithful in the marriage. If you can't control your desires and save yourself for one person, how are you going to be faithful to one person once your married?

Okay, I know I've went on for a while (and I could probably keep going...lol) but I just want to share this last thought with your before I go.
Guys: If you touch a girl, you think she's experiencing the same surface pleasure you are, but thats not so. She's investing her heart in you, and since your not married, you don't own her heart, or her body. Keeping your hands off a girl show great respect for her heart, her Daddy, her God, and her future husband (even if its you!).
Girls: Unless a guy is committing himself to you at a wedding alter, he doesn't own your heart. Therefore, physical touch is not love, its just physical pleasure. He may tell you his heart is invested too, but know this: a guy who will take advantage of your body before marriage does not really love you.

Saving your body and guarding your heart now, will make you a much better spouse later!

Guarding Your Heart

The heart is more then just emotions. The heart does drive our emotions, but it pretty much drives all we do. What the heart desires is the most powerful force in our lives. Whether it be desiring to go to a certain place, desiring to be with a certain person, or desiring to be a certain way. Whatever your heart desires is going to drive and push your whole life. So we need to make sure to protect and guard our hearts from influences that will pollute or steal our hearts. As young people we are going to be around young people of the other gender, and even though they may all be Christians, we still need to be careful of how we act around them. I don't believe its right when parents or churches think it wrong for young people to be around young people of the other gender. I think there need to be guidelines and I do believe that they should never be alone, but you need to know how to act around guys/girls. It will make your time of courtship a bit uncomfortable if you don't even know how to act around the other gender. All of that said, here are a few ways to help you act right and guard your heart when you are around guys/girls.

1) Keep the friendship casual.
-There are four different levels of friendships: acquaintances, casual friends, close friends, and intimate friends. In order to save you heart for one person and not give it away to the wrong person, friendships with the other gender should stay at the acquaintance or casual friend level. it doesn't take long before you end up too close, you need to be very careful of sharing too much and forming emotional bonds. Even if this is the guy/girl that God has for you, you still need to be careful of giving your heart away sooner then God intends.

2) Avoid situations that will create emotional bonds.
-Basically, don't spend time alone with the guy/girl. If you spend too much time in a one-on-one talk with a guy/girl, your are putting yourself in a situation that can easily cause you to open up a little too much. I'm not saying its a bad thing to have a one-on-one talk with a guy/girl, but just be sure to have others around or not let it get too personal or go on too long.

3) Don't seek attention for yourself.
-I know for a fact that both guys and girls have a way of getting attention and making sure a certain guy/girl sees them. We as Christians need to be careful of that. Its one thing if your appearance or personality gets someones attention, but you really shouldn't be trying to get that persons attention. If you dress and act right around guys/girls, then don't worry about getting someones attention and just trust God to get the right guy or girl's attention.

4) Ask your parents for advice.
- Just remember that they have already went through all of this. Even though you might not think your parents are "cool", they still might be able to help you in this area. :-)

5) Guard your words when your with friends.
- If you have an interest in a certain guy or girl, don't go to your friends and talk about it. its one thing if you have a godly older friend who can encourage and pray with you. But if you're only going to them to talk about this person, don't. Spending time talking about guys/girls is NOT going to help guard your heart at all! Go to God, your parents, or an older friend for advice and encouragement.

6) Avoid things that can pollute your thoughts.
-The wrong type of movies or tv shows.
-The wrong type of things on the internet.
-The wrong type of music.
-The wrong type of books or magazines.

When God asks for our hearts, he wants all of it. There must not be any open spots that leave place for the enemy to get in. A heart that is truly guarded will not have a hole that is waiting for "Mr. or Mrs. Right" to come. God wants to completely fill your heart, and once you are happy and satisfied with Him, then He will open that spot for "Mr. or Mrs. Right".

Assignment:
God doesn't look on the outside, he looks at our heart. The bible tells us about man different types of hearts that God is looking for. So get out your bible, and go look up these verses about the different types of hearts God wants us to have. Have a time of prayer and ask Him to help you have those kinds of a heart.

• 1 Kings 3:9 & 12
• 2 Chronicles 16:9
• 2 Chronicles 34:27
• Psalm 7:10
• Psalm 34:18
• Psalm 51:10
• Psalm 119:80
• Proverbs 17:22
• Matthew 5:8
• Matthew 11:29
• Ephesians 4:32
• 2 Timothy 2:22
• James 4:8
• 1 Peter 1:22

I did use a few books when preparing for this, so you may read something that sounds familiar. Thanks so much for reading this, and I hope it has been somewhat of a help to you. Please feel free to leave comments with any thoughts, whether you agree or disagree, I'd still love to hear from you. And, yes...I do realize I said I'd only post once a week, but I never stick to those plans I make. I post whenever I feel I have something that God gave me to post. :-) Have a great Sunday!

*Some material is taken from "Before you meet Prince Charming" by Sarah Mally and "Just Friends" by Cary Schmidt and Mike Ray*