Arranged Marriage?

You know, when I was younger I often thought courtship was just a way for parents to arrange a marriage for their children. I just really didn't know what courtship was, now that I have a greater understanding of it I realized that it is an arranged marriage. Only it's arranged by God Almighty, and that is just fine by me. I think God can pick a far better husband for me then my parents or I could. :-) But even knowing that, don't you kind of wonder just when, where, and how you'll meet and get to know your spouse? I do! Now, I know that at least all of the girls will know where I'm coming from (considering girls tend to "dream" a bit more then guys do. lol), but I honestly find myself wondering how this will happen. Lets try and figure this out a bit. :-)

We know from movies and such that out in the world, it pretty much always starts with physical attraction. But I think we know that isn't the right way. The world goes Body, Soul, and then maybe Spirit. So if your not just going to fall in love with a guy/girl by what his/her body is then how? Well, I believe God intends it to be Spirit, Soul, and then Body.

Now, I'm not saying that your shouldn't be physical attracted to your future spouse. You should and will be, but that is not the most important part. The joining together of two people in marriage needs to happen in the proper order: Spiritual first, physical last. That is why I say no touching until after marriage. Your heart and soul should be invested in the other person long before your body ever is.

Here is an example of how your courtship might go. Lets just say this is how I pray it will work out for me. :-)

1) Observe.
-When the Lord brings someone into your path that interests you, your first step is not to show interest or get all excited and go tell your friends. Just watch. In my post "A rather interesting thought" I gave a list of some questions, use that list when watch the guy/girl. You can learn a lot about someone character by just watching them.

2) Acquainted as Casual Friends.
-If God wants to bring two people together, He will give opportunities for them to get to know each other in natural settings. Such as church, school, work, common friendships, camps, or ministries. God doesn't need anyone else to play "matchmaker", he does a good job of that himself. :-) You'll learn more about a person by watching and being around them in real life then you ever would on a date. Anyone can be sweet and kind on a date but that doesn't mean thats who they really are.

3) Young Man takes initiative.
-Guys: I know I've said this before, but don't go the the girl first, go the her Daddy. Or even talk to your Daddy and let him go to her Daddy before you do. I know of a lot of couples who have done that and it has worked out really well. Either way, if you have prayed about it and know that God wants you to start a relationship with this young lady then it's your move. You have to take the initiative here.
-Girls: Yes, I know this is the part where you're either crying cause your so happy or jumping for joy! ;-) But before you let your emotions get too involved, this is the time when your parents should get to know the young man a little better. Ask him questions and such. But if the young man meets "Daddy's qualifications" then its a good time for the two families to get to know each other better.

4) Close Friendship
-Now, this is when you are really getting to know each other. You might email, text, phone calls, dinner's with family, or what ever else. But you will not make it thru this part if you don't have convictions of your own. This is the time when your flesh is going to try and run you, but in order to keep a pure mind and body you must have strong convictions that will keep your flesh from taking over. Don't let this just be a time when your just being together, let be a time of doing together. Serve together in ministries so that you know that you will be able to serve God side by side. Also, use this time to discuss important subjects such as: your purpose in life, your future ministry goals, your doctrine, your convictions, your views on family and child raising, and your spiritual walk. It is still best to avoid intimate talks until you are engaged.

5) Engagement.
-Many long talks have already occurred, but now are some of the most special times and a greater level of intimacy (not physical) as you enjoy the feeling of belonging to one another. You are about to be married to one another, so you will need a lot of time to talk. BUT, you still need to be careful not to put yourselves into tempting situations. I know some couples will hug, kiss, and hold hands when they are engaged, but I strongly recommend waiting. It would be so much more special if the first time you hold hands is when your in front of the church on that day and if your first kiss was at the wedding alter.

6) Marriage.
-For now, I'm only going to give one thought here: Our purpose for getting married should not be to get, but rather to give. We can be sure that if we follow God's plan for this relationship, it will bring us such fulfillment and joy.

Remember: God has a plan that goes beyond what we can imagine, so just trust Him.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21

*Some material is taken from "Before you meet Prince Charming" by Sarah Mally and "Just Friends" by Cary Schmidt and Mike Ray*

**Feel free to leave any thoughts you have. I would love to get a discussion going with y'all. :-)**

Why "No Touch"?

People often ask me "Well, why can't you even hold a guys hand?" Well, to tell you the truth, I can do whatever I want...but just because I can do something doesn't mean its right or that I even want to. When asked this, I always gave 1 Corin. 7:1. And I still stand by that. BUT...I never really knew how to explain it and not be too blunt. Well, I read a book a few months ago called "Just Friends" by Mike Ray and Cary Schmidt. The book is more for the younger teenager, meaning that it encourages you to not worry about a dating type of relationship yet and to just be friends. Where as, when you reach a level of maturity (and I'm not saying age, because I know some 12 year olds that are much more mature then some 20 year olds!) that you feel God does indeed want you to marry, well there are somethings to consider and pray about that a 13 year old really doesn't need to focus on yet. But even at that age, you should still focus on a friendship first. Your spouse should be your very best friend, so why not work on the friend part before your married? I would encourage any young teenager to read that book, and even the older ones too.

Now back to my topic, I loved the two chapters on "no touch" in the book!! Okay, so lets start with this...you may have already decided that your first kiss will be on your wedding day, if so great! But you don't think there is anything wrong with holding hands or hugging...let me just say, if you give an inch, it will go a mile! I'm not saying that physical affection is a bad thing, its a very good thing. BUT, its something God intended for marriage, and marriage only. And for that reason, I don't believe any touching should be done until the wedding day, not even during engagement. See, a physical relationship is a special and important thing, but that is not the marriage. Yes, its a important part, but being physical never held a marriage together. Being physical is an expression of what holds a marriage together. This is how they explain it in the book: "In marriage, commitment and character are like the steel girders of a skyscraper --what the walls and finishings hold to. The physical act of marriage is supposed to be supported by the steel structure of commitment and integrity." So if God is still building your foundation, you'll be ruining it by being physical before marriage. And by showing you have the self control and are faithful to your future spouse enough to wait, you are proving to your spouse that you will also be faithful in the marriage. If you can't control your desires and save yourself for one person, how are you going to be faithful to one person once your married?

Okay, I know I've went on for a while (and I could probably keep going...lol) but I just want to share this last thought with your before I go.
Guys: If you touch a girl, you think she's experiencing the same surface pleasure you are, but thats not so. She's investing her heart in you, and since your not married, you don't own her heart, or her body. Keeping your hands off a girl show great respect for her heart, her Daddy, her God, and her future husband (even if its you!).
Girls: Unless a guy is committing himself to you at a wedding alter, he doesn't own your heart. Therefore, physical touch is not love, its just physical pleasure. He may tell you his heart is invested too, but know this: a guy who will take advantage of your body before marriage does not really love you.

Saving your body and guarding your heart now, will make you a much better spouse later!