Friday, August 21, 2009

Arranged Marriage?

You know, when I was younger I often thought courtship was just a way for parents to arrange a marriage for their children. I just really didn't know what courtship was, now that I have a greater understanding of it I realized that it is an arranged marriage. Only it's arranged by God Almighty, and that is just fine by me. I think God can pick a far better husband for me then my parents or I could. :-) But even knowing that, don't you kind of wonder just when, where, and how you'll meet and get to know your spouse? I do! Now, I know that at least all of the girls will know where I'm coming from (considering girls tend to "dream" a bit more then guys do. lol), but I honestly find myself wondering how this will happen. Lets try and figure this out a bit. :-)

We know from movies and such that out in the world, it pretty much always starts with physical attraction. But I think we know that isn't the right way. The world goes Body, Soul, and then maybe Spirit. So if your not just going to fall in love with a guy/girl by what his/her body is then how? Well, I believe God intends it to be Spirit, Soul, and then Body.

Now, I'm not saying that your shouldn't be physical attracted to your future spouse. You should and will be, but that is not the most important part. The joining together of two people in marriage needs to happen in the proper order: Spiritual first, physical last. That is why I say no touching until after marriage. Your heart and soul should be invested in the other person long before your body ever is.

Here is an example of how your courtship might go. Lets just say this is how I pray it will work out for me. :-)

1) Observe.
-When the Lord brings someone into your path that interests you, your first step is not to show interest or get all excited and go tell your friends. Just watch. In my post "A rather interesting thought" I gave a list of some questions, use that list when watch the guy/girl. You can learn a lot about someone character by just watching them.

2) Acquainted as Casual Friends.
-If God wants to bring two people together, He will give opportunities for them to get to know each other in natural settings. Such as church, school, work, common friendships, camps, or ministries. God doesn't need anyone else to play "matchmaker", he does a good job of that himself. :-) You'll learn more about a person by watching and being around them in real life then you ever would on a date. Anyone can be sweet and kind on a date but that doesn't mean thats who they really are.

3) Young Man takes initiative.
-Guys: I know I've said this before, but don't go the the girl first, go the her Daddy. Or even talk to your Daddy and let him go to her Daddy before you do. I know of a lot of couples who have done that and it has worked out really well. Either way, if you have prayed about it and know that God wants you to start a relationship with this young lady then it's your move. You have to take the initiative here.
-Girls: Yes, I know this is the part where you're either crying cause your so happy or jumping for joy! ;-) But before you let your emotions get too involved, this is the time when your parents should get to know the young man a little better. Ask him questions and such. But if the young man meets "Daddy's qualifications" then its a good time for the two families to get to know each other better.

4) Close Friendship
-Now, this is when you are really getting to know each other. You might email, text, phone calls, dinner's with family, or what ever else. But you will not make it thru this part if you don't have convictions of your own. This is the time when your flesh is going to try and run you, but in order to keep a pure mind and body you must have strong convictions that will keep your flesh from taking over. Don't let this just be a time when your just being together, let be a time of doing together. Serve together in ministries so that you know that you will be able to serve God side by side. Also, use this time to discuss important subjects such as: your purpose in life, your future ministry goals, your doctrine, your convictions, your views on family and child raising, and your spiritual walk. It is still best to avoid intimate talks until you are engaged.

5) Engagement.
-Many long talks have already occurred, but now are some of the most special times and a greater level of intimacy (not physical) as you enjoy the feeling of belonging to one another. You are about to be married to one another, so you will need a lot of time to talk. BUT, you still need to be careful not to put yourselves into tempting situations. I know some couples will hug, kiss, and hold hands when they are engaged, but I strongly recommend waiting. It would be so much more special if the first time you hold hands is when your in front of the church on that day and if your first kiss was at the wedding alter.

6) Marriage.
-For now, I'm only going to give one thought here: Our purpose for getting married should not be to get, but rather to give. We can be sure that if we follow God's plan for this relationship, it will bring us such fulfillment and joy.

Remember: God has a plan that goes beyond what we can imagine, so just trust Him.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21

*Some material is taken from "Before you meet Prince Charming" by Sarah Mally and "Just Friends" by Cary Schmidt and Mike Ray*
**Feel free to leave any thoughts you have. I would love to get a discussion going with y'all. :-)**


Carrie said...

Hello my name is Carrie, and the past couple of months I have been reading both of your blogs. I enjoy reading both of them, and find myself being greatly encouraged. Especially this particular blog. You give me much to think on. And I wholly agree with what you say in this blog. I was really beginning to wonder if anybody else believed the same way I did. I was greatly suprised. Thanks.

Michaila said...

Great post! It so hard sometimes to find the right one, when really all we need to do is to wait on God.

A Sister Through Christ

Hannah said...

Lovely, wonderful, insightful, post. :)

God Bless.


Katie said...

Hi Carrie! I am so glad you have enjoyed my blogs. I pray that God continues to use them to be a help to you.

Michaila, you are so right! I think we as girls tend to think "well, maybe he's the one" a lot, and then get rather disappointed when he isn't the right guy. I was really reminded in studying for this post, that I need to go to God with my "maybes" rather then just hope.

Hannah, I am so glad you enjoyed it! :-)

musicmaiden said...

Hey Katie, I think this is some really good material you're posting; but you need to be really careful about quoting books without giving credit to the author. I love the book 'Before You Meet Prince Charming' as much as anybody, but it is against copyright to quote books without correct attribution. Just an FYI. :)

Katie said...

You are very right, and I will change that right now. Thanks!

~Rebecca~ said...

Very lovely post! This is pretty close to how my courtship is going and started! long before I noticed... "someone" was watching my standards!

I love your blog here, brilliant idea!! Lovely posts!!

God bless you,

Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Tiffany said...

Wow how awesome! I have read Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy and it really touched my heart! I now really want to read "Before you meet Prince Charming" I am so happy to meet other young girls in love with Jesus :)

Some Peaceful Music...

Create a playlist at